Honoring Your Opponent

I had an interesting interaction with opposing counsel today during a hearing on a motion for summary judgment.

At one point during the hearing, I requested additional time from the Court. To my surprise, opposing counsel not only indicated that my request was acceptable, but offered what I consider to be a rather significant compliment:

“Mr. Davis is many things, but not someone to waste my time or the Court’s time.”

As far as litigation goes, that’s a very high compliment coming from an adversary. And I appreciated it.

The interesting thing is that this particular attorney and I disagree on just about everything when it comes to the substantive issues in our cases.

I believe that what his clients seek to accomplish in many of these cases is not particularly humane and, in some respects, raises serious ethical concerns. I strongly, if not vehemently, disagree with many of the positions he advances on their behalf.

And I’ve made that abundantly clear.

But here’s the thing. He’s a professional. He conducts himself professionally, and in my experience, he operates within the ethical boundaries of our profession. He advocates for his clients just as I advocate for mine.

We simply see things very differently.

I’ve tried to find some middle ground with him over the years, and the truth is, I don’t think we’re going to find much of it. And that’s perfectly fine.

It’s okay to disagree. In fact, it’s important to disagree. But disagreement doesn’t have to translate into disrespect.

I’m realizing more and more, both through my work as an attorney and through my practice of martial arts, boxing, and meditation, that there is something valuable about honoring your opponent.

In boxing, you can respect the person standing across from you while simultaneously doing everything you can to defeat them. You touch gloves before the fight. You compete. You challenge one another. And when it’s over, you touch gloves again.

That respect doesn’t make you any less competitive. If anything, it makes you a better fighter.

Litigation should be no different.

I don’t need to agree with opposing counsel’s arguments to respect his professionalism. I don’t need to approve of his client’s conduct to recognize that he’s doing his job. And I certainly don’t need to abandon my own convictions simply because I’ve found something admirable in an adversary.

I think too often we confuse disagreement with personal animosity. We assume that because someone is on the other side of an issue, they must somehow be our enemy. That respecting them would mean conceding something or compromising our principles.

But it doesn’t.

Respect is not agreement. Civility is not weakness. And acknowledging the professionalism of an adversary is not surrender.

Now, I would be less than honest if I suggested that I always live up to these principles myself. I don’t. Sometimes things get heated. Frustrations mount, particularly when you’ve been dealing with the same disputes, the same arguments, and the same conduct over and over again. Sometimes my patience wears thin, and sometimes I react more strongly than I probably should.

I’m human. And so are the people on the other side.

But that’s part of the practice, isn’t it? Recognizing when our frustrations are getting the better of us and remembering that we have a choice in how we respond.

Today was a healthy reminder of that for me. A reminder that even in an adversarial profession, even when we fundamentally disagree with one another, there’s always room for kindness. Even toward those we might consider our enemies or opponents.

And perhaps especially toward them.

The longer I practice law, the more I appreciate the distinction between fighting hard and fighting unnecessarily.

I can be aggressive in my advocacy without being needlessly antagonistic. I can challenge someone’s legal position without attacking their character. And I can recognize when someone on the other side has earned my respect, even if we will never agree on the underlying issues.

I also appreciate that respect can be mutual, even between people who occupy very different positions.

Today, opposing counsel acknowledged something about me that I value deeply: I don’t waste people’s time. I take my obligations to my clients and the Court seriously. I don’t believe in litigation for the sake of litigation, and I don’t believe in unnecessary delay.

In return, I can acknowledge something about him. He’s a professional, he’s prepared, and he takes his responsibilities seriously.

Neither of us has to change our position for that exchange to mean something.

Perhaps that’s the lesson here.

We don’t have to agree with the people we oppose. We don’t even have to like what they stand for. But we can still recognize their humanity, their professionalism, and the qualities worthy of respect.

And perhaps the most important part of honoring your opponent is remembering to do so precisely when it becomes difficult.

Because there’s always room for kindness. Even in a fight.